Wendy
Valentine’s Day, a celebration of affection and companionship, often casts a shadow of solitude and melancholy for many. Dr. Donya Wallace, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Assistant Professor at Palo Alto University, sheds light on the complexities of fostering romance amid the challenges posed by recent global events. The pandemic, with its stay-at-home orders and health precautions, has undeniably disrupted the dynamics of relationships, leaving a notable impact on our emotional well-being during this holiday.
“Let’s acknowledge the undeniable truth: the quest for love and maintaining romantic connections has been notably strained in recent times. The pandemic, alongside its necessary health directives and the ongoing uncertainty regarding vaccination and infection statuses, has significantly hindered Cupid’s aim,” Dr. Wallace remarks.
The feeling of sadness or isolation on Valentine’s Day is more widespread than anticipated, particularly for those grappling with the end of a relationship, mourning the loss of a dear one, or simply feeling detached on this day. Dr. Wallace points out, “The reality is, our control over external occurrences is limited, often leading to disappointment, irritation, and sorrow. These feelings can intensify on Valentine’s Day, a time traditionally earmarked for expressing and receiving love, a concept ingrained in us from a very young age.”
However, when life’s unpredictabilities, including the ongoing pandemic, intervene, Valentine’s Day can amplify our sense of uncertainty and dismay, which some may internalize as personal shortcomings. Dr. Wallace advocates for a reevaluation of our expectations surrounding the day, ourselves, and others. The fluid nature of the world presents an opportunity to reassess our priorities and redefine the significance of holidays and how we choose to celebrate them.
Dr. Wallace proposes five strategies to manage and potentially transform the unrealistic expectations that often precipitate feelings of sadness and isolation on Valentine’s Day:
Be Your Own Valentine
“The most genuine form of love is self-love,” Dr. Wallace advises. Embrace self-care by indulging in activities that bring joy, whether it’s a spa treatment, a yoga session, or simply enjoying a book by candlelight. Establish boundaries with individuals or platforms that equate solitude on Valentine’s Day with failure. Choosing oneself is a profound act of love.
Spread Love to Receive Love
Engaging in acts of kindness can shift our focus from our own discomfort, providing immediate positive reinforcement. “Valentine’s Day is fundamentally about connection, not necessarily romantic. Acts of service can reaffirm our significance in the lives of others,” Dr. Wallace explains. Whether it’s crafting valentines for loved ones, assisting a neighbor, or volunteering, these gestures of goodwill can mitigate feelings of loneliness.
Maintain Perspective
Our journey to recovery from the recent global upheavals remains ongoing. “If this Valentine’s Day feels particularly challenging, there’s valid reason,” Dr. Wallace observes, encouraging self-compassion and understanding. Viewing Valentine’s Day as just another day can alleviate undue pressure, allowing us to honor our emotions authentically.
Organize a Group Gathering
Valentine’s Day need not be a solitary experience for singles. Dr. Wallace suggests, “Contrary to popular belief, Valentine’s Day is not reserved solely for romantic couples.” A group outing or a cozy gathering at home can offer a lively alternative, fostering a sense of community and shared joy.
Monitor Your Emotional Health
Awareness of one’s emotional state is crucial, especially around emotionally charged holidays. Dr. Wallace emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between temporary feelings of loneliness and persistent symptoms of depression, urging those struggling to seek professional support.
Valentine’s Day, with its inherent expectations and societal pressures, can indeed evoke a spectrum of emotions. Yet, through redefined perspectives, self-care, and community engagement, it presents an opportunity to celebrate love in its many forms, transcending traditional romantic paradigms.
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