Confidently navigate conflict and offer feedback

- The more diverse the team, the more variation in perspectives, and inevitably the more potential for conflict. Here are three practical ways to navigate high-friction situations to minimize misunderstandings and protect the integrity of your relationships. Communicating assertively. How do we speak up and call out someone's behavior in a respectful way? Maintain composure. The best way to begin deescalating friction is not to react. Take a moment to collect your thoughts. Make it about you. In the moment, if we act on emotion, we might say, "You are frustrating me," or, "You're so unreasonable," which is a personal attack. Instead, we recommend using I-statements, like, "I'm frustrated because this is important to me." Meet face-to-face. When virtual, people tend to use more power strategies, and there can be misunderstandings. Try to solve conflicts and disagreements face-to-face where possible. Share your interests rather than only your position. Instead of, "You can't log off early today," which is a position and may not be taken very well, appeal to interests. Share why. "It would be really helpful if you could stay until close of business today because my son is sick and I have to pick him up early from school." People respond far more positively when they understand your interests. Curiosity. When the stakes are high, it is too easy to misunderstand someone or become emotionally triggered by someone's words or behavior. To avoid a defensive reaction, be curious and use one of these four phrases. "That's interesting." "Can you tell me more about that?" "What makes you say that?" "What made you do that?" "What made you think that?" Here, you're being curious and seeking additional information to avoid incorrect assumptions. These prompts, which are more about the principle than the words themselves, can help to deescalate high-pressure situations and are a valuable addition to your conflict management toolkit. Offering feedback. Here's a simple five-step brain-friendly approach to giving feedback. Prime with, "Yes." Ask a short question to prime the receiver. "Do you have five minutes to discuss how the last meeting went?" Or, "I have some ideas for how to improve the report. Can I share them now?" Authentic praise. Validate something about the person or their approach. "You've really stepped up over the last two weeks," or, "Thanks for the extra effort you've invested lately." Provide the data point. Specifically mention evidence of what happened. Be specific and factual. "You said you'd provide the report by 11:00 AM and I didn't receive it until 3:00 PM." Impact statement. Share how the data point impacted you or the team to provide a sense of meaning and remind them of how their work matters. "Because I didn't receive the report, I couldn't submit it on time, which has delayed the project's completion." Check in and end with a collaborative question. "Were you aware of the impact? What's your take on this?" You might also want to check in on the person. "You are usually such an upbeat part of the team. This is uncharacteristic of you. Is everything okay?" Or, "How can the team support you?" This sparks real talk, a genuine and meaningful conversation. You'll find a summary of these important principles in the exercise files, along with space for you to make your own commitments. Next up, we'll dive into how you can identify and leverage your strengths to optimize your position as a valuable team player.